i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
