so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
