Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
