Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
