K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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