He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
