i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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