i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
