When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
