We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
