Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize