your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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