It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
