Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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