he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF