Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.