Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
worst night to have a conscience
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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