evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's how pantless uber rides happen