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Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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