I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
