fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
