I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
