Everything about him screamed your future.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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