somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
