make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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