So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The uberlube is also flammable
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
