yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
