remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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