3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
