I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I did not marry a roomba.
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