i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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