Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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