Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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