His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
