Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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