Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
