Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize