I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
