Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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