Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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