I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone says I win the strip club
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
