I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
