Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
