I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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