I'm gonna have a badass scar
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
