the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
