There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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