We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
