I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
