3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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