I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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