i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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