i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
