and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
