I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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