tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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