Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
