Define "chronic" masturbator.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
