I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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