She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
