We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
