Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
