I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
