Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
