Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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