Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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