if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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