You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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