I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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