tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
