Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
40s are totally the cure
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
