Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
