Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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