we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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