lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
