Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
