You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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