he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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