can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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