That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All the doctor said was why
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
