This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
