I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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